learning to be: 2011

Sunday, December 25, 2011

For better and for less than that

Christmas day, Sunday, 25 December 2011. It is a quiet morning.

I am typing with the eraser of a pencil this morning, one key at a time, Caps Lock on, then Caps Lock off as I go. I started having neck pain on this past Tuesday afternoon, which got worse on Wednesday, and on Thursday it moved down to include my shoulders as well. I have never had this kind of shoulder pain before. So inflammed and I can barely move my right shoulder, and the left is much worse and useless right now.

I finished up with the laundry on Tuesday morning before all this pain started. I wanted to get the laundry done early so it would be a quick job to pack for friday's drive to spend the whole holidays week with our two sons. When whatever is causing all this pain hit my shoulders, too, I became almost useless. That did not make me a happy camper.

Friday morning, husband Wes, was able to work from home and packed stuff up as he could. I may have been a little, um, grumpy and emotional during all that. Frustrated with my incapacity to do what I should be doing. But Wes dealt with my occassional loud outbursts and bouts of crying, and we got through. He loaded up the car, which isn't a picnic as we live in an upstairs apartment. And I'm usually our long distance driver, but he drove the 200+ miles.

So here we are at the house the two brothers share. This pic is from Chritmas day 2010 when we were here and they got a dusting of snow. This year it is sunny with no snow.

By the way, I know I should have called the doctor about this pain business, but Iam not one to run to the doctor everytime something happens, and I really expected this to resolve itself after a couple of days. Ha! More fool me. I am unable to lie down now without incurring more pain, so have been sitting and sleeping (fitfully) on their desk chairs. They even bought me a memory foam pillow on one of their shopping trips at WalMart (yes, soul-stealing WalMart) yesterday so my butt would have it a little easier. Anyway...

My three men, ages 58, 33, and 26, have been been so very patient with me and helping me a thousand ways. Here we all are last Christmas. Wesley, Oliver, Eileen, David. They can make me laugh like nobody else can. They are the best.

So today the men will cook the meal I would have, Chicken Bubble-Up, with rice and green beans (not the casserole kind) on the side. I will cheer them on from the side.

I'm enjoying our moments together in spite of the pain, and looking forward to a week of family time. Game playing and movie watching and other fun and often strange things. :)

And so, I wish peace to all our human race and the creatures we share time with on this beautiful small planet.

Monday, November 21, 2011

This is a poster made by my friend, Keith, using words I posted at Facebook and Yellow Submarine artwork. Keith is someone I have learned a lot from, and whom I respect very much. I owe him a cup of coffee and a snowball fight. My words, Keith's artwork...

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Rethinking life. Again.

I think I need to really rethink life again. Life in general, and my life in specific.

The world is so damned crazy, and my little world is filled with uncertainty ahead.

And I still don't know who the hell I am, or who I should be or could be. Or anything, really.

I'm in pretty bad shape. Not just physically, but mentally too.

I'm not sure that there's any way up for me anymore.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Condolences

Condolences for those impacted and affected by today's huge earthquake in Japan and the tsunami that follows.

Friday, March 04, 2011

HTML

<HTML/> HTML stands for HyperTensive MockMe Language, doesn't it. <HTML>

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Don't you DARE

You don't go online for privacy.

That said, I reckon a person's blog is, for the most part, for that person. If someone visits it, they can see what the blogger has to say, or move on to something else. Take it or leave it. Like going into a shop, you're not going to like everything that's on the racks or shelves.

Like a lot of other people who read some of the same blogs I frequent, I recently read some 'flaming comments' left on a very sweet woman's blog. We all love criticism, right? Right? Well, obviously, not all 'criticism' is alike. Taking someone to task for 'being the way they are' on their blog is a pretty crap thing to do.

I should know. There was a time when I thought it was my duty to rail against all opinions that I didn't agree with. I mean, you gotta set the world straight on things before your time is up, don't you? So I used to think. But look at me now. I'm as mellow as yellow. I finally growed up a little bit, and realised that 'Life,The Universe & Everything' doesn't revolve around me and isn't waiting for me to wield the Washrag of Righteousness to clean this place up.

So, lesson learned, don't be pickin' on some other body who is writing a personal blog. Pick on the people who are Bigger-Than-All-Of-Us put together, the ones who actually could make the world better for the billions of the 'great unwashed' on this planet, but don't. You Bigger-Than-All-Of-Us people know who you are. :: "Oh no we don't." :: Oh, yes you do! But you don't read my blog, so it's neither here nor there.

I almost didn't come back to this blog after my first post yesterday. I saw another blog and realised what utter tripe I would write here in comparison. I thought :: GOD :: didn't want me to be happy, to blather the silly nonsense that comes out of my brain. Because, honestly, I have always had a really hard time understanding how to be happy or joyful or to just enjoy being alive, when there is so much suffering in this world. We all suffer in ways untold. But I mean hard core suffering. You know what I mean. That is just one of my lifelong inner battles that has made me the bipolar, depressed me I have been. But, I keep trying to understand how the dichotomy of this world works.

This morning I clicked on a saved link to a fella's blog I hadn't visited in a while... quite a while, it seems, as I found out he died in early 2009. He blogged when he was in his 70s, and from a look at the condolence comments left after his last posting, he brought a lot of joy into quite a few lives. As I wrote to Son the Elder earlier today, with whom I shared one of his stories, "until the Blog Sweeper comes along to take it away, his blog lives on. Which is kinda nice, cuz why should only famous people live on in history books and libraries."

So, maybe this blogging lark isn't so bad after all. It wasn't :: GOD :: who wanted me to give up, it was just me still not knowing how to be after a lifetime of rotten inputs from so many people and places.

learning to be

ps :: "Thanks", to a basket of a friend who told me, "Don't you DARE."

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Hey ho

Well, I've tried this blogging stuff before, and failed miserably. Several times. I'm an instant fan of the Blogger simplifications, as I'm not the smartest duck in the pond when it comes to HTML stuff, and believe me, my oldest son can attest to that pitiful fact. :: rolls eyes :: I know there are billions of fabulous blogs out there. I don't expect this to be one of them, but "Hey ho", it will be what it will be.

I love peeking in at other people's blogs, most of which are wonderful and astound me. I'd say, "You know who you are", but obviously, you don't. You couldn't, because you don't even know I exist. But, when I figure out the bit about listing some of those blogs, I will.

My hubby bought me a new camera, which I ignored for several months simply because it was so damned scary, sitting there staring at me, leering at me with it's cyclopsian eye. I think it stuck a tongue out at me, too. So when I'd had enough of feeling foolish, I picked it up and began taming the wild beast it is. I'm sure it would take lovely pictures if I left it to itself. I keep messing with it, though, and therefore any lousy pictures will obviously be the camera's fault, not mine. I mean, that's obvious, isn't it.

As I said in my profile, I'm a bit of an odd duck. Okay, I'm a plain duck, which you can tell by looking at me, but I am still 'odd'. In the nicest possible way. It has been a less than normal life up until now, but I'm still here and trying to make sense of it. I'd love to know who I am someday, which pretty much explains the title of my blog.

So, as they say, I will love you and leave you, and christen this blog with my first posting.

Cheers